Regular readers are no doubt familiar with this blog’s occasional posts poking fun of press releases from defense manufacturers noting that the company had “achieved” registration with the State Department’s Directorate of Defense Trade Controls (“DDTC”). A common feature of many of these press releases is to try to portray registration under Part 122 of the International Traffic in Arms Regulations as an endorsement by DDTC of the company’s export compliance expertise and procedures.

Well, I think a new bar was set by this press release from Virginia-based Zestron Corporation

ZESTRON process and service solutions, recently renewed its official International Traffic in Arms Regulations (ITAR) registration with the US Department of State, Directorate of Defense Trade Controls.

After several weeks of careful review of ZESTRON’s corporate structure, security, record keeping and procedures for handling sensitive military and intelligence applications, the company successfully passed the system’s strict requirements. The renewal of this registration demonstrates that ZESTRON is dedicated to adhering to the regulations that control the export and import of defense-related articles and services on the United States Munitions List.

Honestly, that doesn’t just take the cake. It takes the table the cake is on, the house where the table is, and the city in which the house is located. There is no scrutiny by DDTC of corporate structure, much less “several weeks” of such scrutiny. Nor is there any review of a company’s procedures for handling military and intelligence applications. And don’t get me started on the import business in the press release. The only strict requirement that a registered company has passed is that it was able to fill out the registration form correctly and submit it with the required fee.

Here’s a new export reform proposal: the DDTC should revoke the registration of any company that issues a press release incorrectly describing the significance of registration.

Psst. Have I got a deal for you. For only $65 million you can be the owner of a military landing hovercraft — complete with guns, compartments for three tanks, space for 170 troops and nuclear and CBW shelters. It can be yours in just 4-5 months and will ship from Eastern Europe. And it’s for sale on the website of Portland Yacht Sales, which bills itself on the site as engaged in “International Yacht and Ship Brokerage.”

To be clear, of course, I’m not really trying to promote the sale of this landing vehicle to any of my readers. In fact, you’ve probably guessed that my reason for bringing up this unusual web offer would be to wonder whether the State Department’s Directorate of Defense Trade Controls (“DDTC”) has thrown the book — or rather thrown Part 129 of the International Traffic in Arms Regulations (“ITAR”) — at Portland Yacht yet.

Part 129 requires that companies acting as brokers of defense articles — and this is pretty clearly a defense article under USML Category VI(a) — must register with DDTC, and I have a sneaking suspicion that Portland might not have done that. But there’s more. There is that pesky requirement that you have to obtain a license from DDTC before you can broker “significant military equipment” (“SME”) valued at more than $1 million. Category VI(a) naval vessels are clearly defined as SME and $65 million is more than a few dollars north of $1 million. And I’m guessing that Portland doesn’t have the brokerage license either.

I’m sure that Portland Yacht will say it never even heard of this ITAR-thingy and never dreamed in its wildest dreams that selling a $65 million dollar vessel with anti-aircraft artillery, nuclear shelters, and room for 3 tanks and 170 troops to foreign governments would be, er, subject to some silly regulations. I mean, really, it’s not that different from selling an SUV to the French Embassy, right?

[Hat tip to reader Garrett Steele for pointing this sale out to me.]

UPDATE: Portland Yacht took down the webpage offering the military hovercraft for sale. We took a pdf snapshot of the page before it disappeared, which you can see by clicking here.